Why do the goalposts keep changing??

It can be common to think that you’ve not achieved anything or that some achievements don’t count or aren’t a big deal. Or as soon as you’ve achieved a goal quickly think ‘what’s next’ or ‘now what’.

The first way of thinking is common for people with low mood or depression, the latter is common for anxious people. Both can feature for people who are affected by low self-esteem.

These mentalities mean that you don’t get a chance to give yourself some validation or celebration for the achievement which, over time, can prevent your self-esteem from growing or can actually decrease your self-esteem.

It can become exhausting when it seems as though you’re on a constant hamster wheel or that your goalposts keep changing; every time you think you’re going to achieve something you never feel fulfilled or satisfied. This can lead to thoughts such as ‘I am not good enough’, a thought which sounds pretty rigid, unhelpful, and goal blocking.

The changing goalposts have probably served a purpose at some point in the past – that’s why they feature now – perhaps they’ve helped you succeed academically or at work or have helped you find a sense of forward momentum. However, they also have some downsides which is what you’re experiencing now – unfulfillment, burnout, stress, low mood, fatigue.

We need to redress the balance. It’s ok to strive for excellent results but it’s important to pause and recognise them along the way. Positive data logging can be a helpful start – write down your achievements no matter how big or small, this demonstrates to yourself that you’re doing more than you think you are. Reflect on how your achievements make you feel and what the positive results are from your achievements – this helps you to appreciate your achievements instead of moving onto the next. Think about your weekly diary, do you have enough time for work, rest, and play? Having me-time is a great way to feel restored and to not feel resentful of the work we put in during the rest of our week.

And of course, therapy is an ideal space for you to look at all this in more detail, to consider your own thinking styles and belief systems that are perpetuating this pattern.