Coming to therapy isn’t like going to the GP and getting a pill to fix the problem. The therapist doesn’t hold all the answers. There’s no secret shortcut to be shared. Therapy isn’t about the therapist ‘fixing’ the client. Our thoughts and feelings aren’t ‘wrong’, so there’s nothing to fix.
It’s helpful to move away from the idea of ‘fixing’ towards the idea of ‘noticing’.
Is this just semantics? Actually, this change in language can turn down the volume on the internal self-critical or perfectionist voice and give us time and space to neutrally observe before choosing how to respond. The word ‘notice’ prevents blaming ourselves, parents, caregivers, teachers, peers, or employers for our experience because we’re not approaching with judgement. Noticing helps us slow down so we can begin to form a clearer picture of what’s happening.
Noticing isn’t always easy, it’s an art, a skill to be practiced, a new habit to form.
A helpful starting point is identifying our triggering situations – those moments that often cause us anxiety, low mood, and distress etc. By knowing our typical triggers, we can head into them with open eyes and curiosity to begin noticing what’s happening. What am I thinking? How am I feeling? What am I doing? Is this a vicious cycle that I often go round?
Becoming aware of the body is hugely beneficial as physical symptoms are indicators of our emotional state; our body is constantly giving us clues. Look out for a racing heart, feeling clammy, sweaty, and flushed, a knot in the stomach, a tight chest, shaky limbs, or sometimes an emptiness. These are signals from the body to let us know that something doesn’t feel safe.
We can notice possible origins of our current thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. When was the first time I remember feeling this way or believing this was true? What was happening? Who were the key players involved that shaped this perspective? This isn’t about blame. It’s about noticing past experiences that shaped a child’s perceived reality and how that’s informed our thinking styles and behaviours in the present.
You can ask yourself some of the questions above or you can work with a therapist.
Together with a therapist, clients notice what’s currently happening and have the opportunity to reflect, to be guided, to be gently challenged, and to consider helpful and healthy ways of thinking and behaving which in turn improves how we feel. This helps us take ownership for our own wellbeing which can be incredibly powerful.
To notice is to begin our own positive change.
Therapy with Kirsty 