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1) Therapy is a sign of weakness ❌

Therapy is a sign of being proactive about your mental health, of being resourceful in your approach to feeling better, and of bravery for opening yourself up to another person. It’s healthy to acknowledge that you need or want some time to process your experience and speaking to an impartial person is proven to be very helpful.

2) My problems aren’t big enough or important enough for therapy ❌

If it matters to you then it matters. Whatever it is, if it’s playing on your mind or getting in the way of you living to your fullest potential, then it’s worth exploring. What seems like a ‘small’ problem on the surface could actually be a sign of something significant to you. Therapy can help you work out what’s going on and learn ways of navigating your world. Therapy is for everyone! No matter your background, your identity, your hobbies or interests, therapy is a safe and inclusive space, free from judgement. 

3) I can’t do therapy, I’m not good at speaking about myself ❌

The role of the therapist is to help you access and give voice to your thoughts and feelings. You don’t need to have it all worked out or know what you need or want to say, the process of therapy will help you with this. Having a good relationship with your therapist will allow this to blossom.

4) The therapist will blame my problems on me or my upbringing ❌

Therapists will not blame or shame you or your upbringing. Therapy enables you to see your life from a clearer perspective and empowers you to make choices about how to proceed. Blame has no place in therapy.

5) If I go to therapy, I’ll need to stop being who I am ❌

The point of therapy is not to stop you being who you are, quite the opposite! Therapy helps you to work out what’s important to you, what values you hold, and how to be more of yourself not less. You may choose to make some changes to your thinking styles, behaviours, or relationships but this is completely up to you. Many people describe therapy as a process of ‘becoming who they were meant to be’ or ‘returning to who they really are’.

Life can feel challenging, trying to do what’s right for everyone and trying to make sure everyone is happy. Over the last two years, Covid has changed plans, raised anxiety, and knocked self-esteem. Perhaps you can hear the voice of your inner critic saying that you can’t cope or that it’s too hard or overwhelming.

Here are three simple steps to boost your self-esteem.

1. Set realistic expectations: Think about what you’re trying to achieve and what is really possible for you in the time available. Do what you can with what you have and be proud of what you manage to achieve. You are enough.
   
   
2. Plan your time: think about how you’d like to use your time, write down a list of what will happen when and with whom on a given day. A plan will help you approach the day with more confidence, as you won’t overload your brain with too much information, and you’ll reduce the anxiety of thinking about what you may have forgotten. And remember, this is just a plan, and it might not work out ‘perfectly’, but you’ll be able to use it as a guide for keeping yourself on track.
   
   
3. Look out for positives: You have your to-do list, now it’s time for your ta-da list! It can be really easy to spot things that haven’t gone as we’d expected and feel down or worried as a result. My challenge to you, is to keep your eye out for positives. Talk about these positives with a friend or family member, make a note of them on your phone, or put a list up on the fridge! Find what works for you and lean into it. It will give your self-esteem a real boost to think and talk about the things that have gone well.

As a little gift from me to you, let me give you an extra step: Breathe! This one might seem obvious as we do it every day but give yourself some time (a minute or two if you’re new to this) to really focus on your breathing. Top tip: try breathing in for the count of three and out for the count of four. This helps take you to the ‘rest and digest’ part of your brain, which alleviates anxiety and helps you to feel better within yourself.

Age, occupation, interests, culture, and religion. We use all of these and more to connect to another. As curious, social beings we instinctively gravitate towards making contact, finding love in many forms, and searching for meaning.

Despite this, we are born alone, and we must die alone, the only thing certain in life is death. Depending on your perspective contemplating this can be debilitating or liberating. Dr Irvin Yalom recognises through his work with cancer patients that being so acutely aware of the end drives people to live in the now. Within this there is a challenge, to embrace this mindset before experiencing illness, diagnosis, or prognosis. Keeping the end in mind can drive you to do more, to think more, to feel more. Keeping the end in mind can help you to focus on your own life process, to let go of the expectations you have of yourself and of others. You cannot control the thoughts, feelings, and actions of others but you can control you and now is the time.

Daughter, sister, friend, colleague, wife. As we go through our own life process, making contact, finding love, searching for meaning, there are but 23 words first uttered by Fritz Perls to remember, ‘You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful. If not, it can’t be helped’.